Never without you
by Blonde Spirit
Summary: Written in response to the past present and future challenge over on the challenges forum. AU
1. Chapter 1

**Never Without You**

Written for the Past Present and Future Challenge by HermioneWeasleyFan over on the HPFF challenges forum. New character for me, so please be kind!

**Chapter 1 - Lost in the Past**

Sirius Black stared from his cell in Azkaban out into the gloomy and restless ocean, he could only think like this when the Dementors were off tormenting other souls somewhere else in the vast prison. The sea and sky that he could see through his small window reminded him of his own state of mind. Well, the state of mind he decended to after the Dementors had passed through this section of the prison anyway, thoughts didn't come easily when a Dementor kissed.

Sirius remembered the picture on the front of The Daily Prophet, of the Weasley family with Wormtail. His once beautiful face contorted with a rage that was all too common these days, he felt the insurmountable rage at Peter Pettigrew, not for framing him, no that was second to his hatred of the one time friend that had taken from him his precious and best friend, James Potter. The memory brought him back once again to those who dominated his mind when it was free, James and Lily, Prongs – his best friend and of course Moony. He wondered if Remus believed what was said of his old friend, or if he had genuinely believed the impassioned plea that he had given on his arrest, that the traitor to the group, the rat among men was the betrayer. Could anyone who really knew him believe that he, Sirius Black, Marauder, Padfoot could kill anyone that he loved? Especially the way he loved James, a brother to replace his own. The way he loved Lily, fiercly defensive of her, and of course his Godson, Harry. Sirius doubted that he could love another being so much after Harry was born, he had often thought that being a parent was not for him, but now, locked in his cell, he wondered. If he felt so linked to Harry, who was James's son, how would he feel about his own child? Would the feelings of pride, joy and protection he had for the small scrap of humanity that was Harry be all the more intense because it belonged body and soul to him?

Sirius remembered the days that had led to James and Lily's death, and the happiness and sheer contentment that he had felt, despite the fact that a war for freedom of oppression was being waged, and that he was a central player in the defence. The four friends had grown into fine men, or so they believed at the time. James had won over Lily, a proud moment for Sirius to stand beside James as his best man on the day he wed Lily. Remus had seemed to find a level of contentment that had previously eluded him, Sirius was sure that his new 'friend' had a lot to do with that. Remus had searched for others of his kind and found one, a woman. She and Remus were so very close and Sirius had wondered, quite openly as was his way, when 'Old Moony' would pop the question. Even Peter had a girlfriend, almost a mirror image of himself. And then there was Sandie, the woman who had managed to get into Sirius's heart, probably because he hadn't managed to get her into bed.

He had met Sandie on a cloudless night, warm and calm. As Padfoot had trotted through the streets of London a Golden Retriever had bounded to him, tail waving high above her body in an invitation to play. To the average observer the two dogs had chased each other through the deserted streets of London, rolling on patches of grass they found, barking and cavorting as dogs do. To Sirius it was a beginning, the dog had transformed into a girl, a girl who had recently found womanhood.

Sirius had courted her, chased her and much to his frustration she had denied his advances, content to be a part of his life as a friend. For the first time in his life Sirius Black had fallen in love, and it had hurt that the love was not returned, until the night he had become the wizarding worlds fugitive. He had sought her out, babbling the story of James and Lily to her, the accusations that were threatening his freedom. He had cried, begged her to believe him, and to his surprise she had. Sandie had held him, telling him that she knew he would never betray James in such a way. Sirius had admitted then his feelings for her, that he had fallen for her. Sandie had listened as he told her, telling him that she had wanted to hear those words for so long. She had told him that she had known she could not become one in a long line of his conquests, and that she would have rather been just a friend forever than risk her heart on something more. They had made love over and over, each moment made more urgent and precious by the cloud that threatened them.

On the day of his incarceration she had told him she would wait for him, that she believed in him, that she loved him. Sirius had felt the weight of responsibility on his shoulders, he was now a convicted murderer and all the time that had been wasted stung him, tormented him. He almost hated Sandie for giving her love to him so freely, all too late.

Sirius shook himself out of the past, the emotions of his memories must have attracted the Dementors as he felt his heart constrict and breath catch at their approach. He changed into his animagus form, his only defence against the hooded creatures that threatened to take the only piece of sanity he had left. The Dementors seemed to ignore his canine presence, Sirius needed no second bidding, he broke for freedom. And made it.


	2. Chapter 2

**Never Without You.**

**Chapter 2 – The death of a Marauder.**

Sandie sank to her knees, her hands clutching at Remus's robes. She felt arms lifting her, placing her gently on a bed. Still she did not let go of Remus's robes, clutching at him as her world broke into smaller and smaller pieces as his words reverberated around her head.

"Sirius is dead"

Remus was now speaking other words, words of comfort, yet Sandie only heard the words he had told her first.

"He can't be" she whispered "Not now, no, it's a mistake"

"I'm sorry" a woman said, Sandie looked at the newcomer, with a slight figure and shocking pink hair "He died a hero, as he lived"

"No" was all Sandie could say "Not now"

"He went through the veil, tonight" Remus explained "Bellatrix killed him" Remus had tears in his own eyes; he had endured more emotional torment tonight than he thought he could bear. To see Sirius so beaten down and frustrated had hurt him, to watch as Sirius became more aggravated at his incarceration in his childhood home. He had longed for Sirius to recover his old vigour that Azkaban had robbed him of, yet instead he witnessed Sirius fall further. Tonight he had watched as the old Sirius had returned, electricity had crackled around him as he fought the Death Eaters with them, to save Harry. To watch his natural exuberance come back and blaze to life as he defended Harry and the other children had gladdened Remus's heart. Then to watch as it was all snatched away as Sirius fell through the veil had caused Remus to almost jump through after his friend. Only Harry's reaction to the tragedy that was unfolding had caused him to return to his senses. He had held Harry, forcibly taken him away form the veil, feeling Harry's pain as keenly as his own. And now, Sandie had returned, on the very night that Sirius had gone forever. His heart broke all over again for his old friend. Sirius had begged Remus to find her, bring her to him. Remus had done so, but too late. Sandie had arrived at Grimmauld Place as they returned form the Ministry. Her eyes had shone at seeing Remus, and now he had to relive it all again as he told her of Sirius's fate, and watch as that light died forever.

"It can't be too late" Sandie strained "It can't be"

Almost like a zombie she drank the potion that Remus handed to her, fighting the sliding feeling as she fell to sleep to dream of what might have been.

Remus watched her and the tears fell freely, he wondered when the present would become the past, when the pain would become a memory that he could bury deep within himself.


	3. Chapter 3

**Never Without You.**

Chapter 3 – The future lives on.

Remus Lupin placed a hand on each of the young men's shoulders. He looked at the memorial stone that had been hastily erected, and thought that it was missing some important words. The words that were engraved did not seem to do Sirius justice.

_**SIRIUS BLACK**_

"_**Padfoot"**_

_**Loyal friend and Godfather**_

_**1960 – 1996**_

_**Toujours pur ~ of heart.**_

Harry leaned into Remus momentarily before breaking away and seeking comfort with his peers, Hermione and Ron. Remus remained with the other boy, feeling the full weight of the responsibilities that his friends had left with him. Without ever stopping to think, Remus knew that he would take the place of Sirius in the lives of the youngsters that had had so much invested in Sirius. Remus felt a responsibility to Harry, as the surviving Marauder he owed it to James and Sirius to watch over Harry, to protect him with the last breath in his body if need be. To the other boy Remus felt different, he would need to teach the boy about Sirius.

"Speak to your mother, Max" Remus asked the boy "It's what he would have wanted"

"I'll never know that now will I?" the boy replied, turning to face Remus, his grey eyes dark with confusion and pain.

Remus thought a moment, gesturing his head towards Harry "Then talk to Harry, you never met your father but he loved Harry as his own, the way he would have loved you had he known"

"I don't know if I can ever forgive her" Max said sadly.

"You will, it's not her fault" Remus explained "Sirius was in Azkaban by the time you were born, your mother never believed what he was accused of, you are a result of that belief. She protected you, not from Sirius but from the repercussions of the things he was accused of, to have known would have made you a target. Your mother tried so hard to find us when she heard that he had escaped Azkaban, and Sirius begged me to find her. It was all too late, they loved each other but were separated by circumstances, if things had been different he would have been there, one hundred percent for both of you"

"That's what I have?" Max demanded "Circumstances? She should have told him!"

"She couldn't" Remus sighed "Your father was an incredibly brave man, but also rash and impulsive at times, had he discovered your existence he would have moved heaven and earth to find you, and damn the consequences"

"At least I would have known him"

"At what cost? Your mother knew what it would do to him had he known while he was in prison, what it would have driven him to do"

"He broke out anyway" Max almost shouted.

"And luckily didn't get caught. She tried to find him when she knew" Remus repeated "It was just too late"

Max shook his head and walked away from him, into the trees. A smile almost graced Remus's face as he recognised the easy swagger of the young man. Remus had the responsibility of Sirius's future placed firmly in his hands now, and he would have it no other way.

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End file.
